My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize