maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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