hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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