I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my being single is dangerous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He passed out mid-signature
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
