Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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