have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
