I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
