We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
