There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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