Are we in a gay sports bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
