you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
