If i come over, it means nothing
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
