just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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