Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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