just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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