On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
