I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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