I met the friendliest cop last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
