she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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