i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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