Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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