Sponge bath it is.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Four minutes until I can fart!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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