Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
