New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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