best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
