i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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