Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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