I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
