Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
