recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
