i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
