Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
