I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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