Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
