Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
