he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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