i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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