What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
