I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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