Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
