How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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