I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
