and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my liver is dry heaving
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
