the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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