the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize