Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
