he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
