I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
