I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize