Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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