just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
