Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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