did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
