so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
