Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
