True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
