Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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