I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
