we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are all done wearing pants today
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
