I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we made out on top of his cat.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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