She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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