don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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