dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
