Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
