I'm jealous of your bromance
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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