the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize