i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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