I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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