you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
