i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
