So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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