What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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