Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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