Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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