My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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