it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
