So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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