If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
