The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
