ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
