but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
