im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
