So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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