and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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