Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
