You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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