You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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