she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
