does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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