Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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