after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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