Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
