sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
