Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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