how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
