I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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