IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
