I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
