Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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